I’m not going to try and jinx myself here…
but, for the lat two weeks I’ve two pounds each week.
I’m actually getting better at this.
I can use myfitnesspal daily. I can look at another slice of pizza and say no. I can eat within portion size even when my grandmother lays out a buffet.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (via courtneyisserious)
via courtneyisserious
Goodnight my someone, goodnight my love.
Long time no post eh’?
Things are/have/is/will be crazy. I’ve just gotta resist temptation.
I’ve also realized I’m very weird. But, in a comical sort of way. Really, I’ve no idea what I’m talking about.
I really like my AP English class. I really like writing about things I like writing about.
If you catch my drift.
I’m currently floating. Thinking about the morning gym things I will go to. Thinking about the future as I often have of late.
I’m not really sure why, but I do not think I will ever fit in with people of my age group.
I’m an old soul. Well I was told that when I was just a babe. I think it’s true. Or it could just be me going into how I believe in all the bullshit that comes my way.
Here’s how I view it, if it’s wrong it isn’t real and it doesn’t happen.
Jesus, Buddah, Krishna, Mohammad, Hecate and the lot. They’re all the same right?
And if one isn’t real, then maybe the other is.
It’s an alright ideal I think.
Things have gotten so…
I’m just so down right now about my weight. I just can’t ignore the fact that I have to go to the gym at least 4 days a week. I feel slow, and so confused already this year. I’m thinking about college auditions, auditions for our high school’s musical, college apps and scholarships. I just can’t ignore one bad meal.
And most of all, I cannot ignore what I really need and that is a healthy life.
Only through all of my fathers misfortunes am I here today.
Had Saigon not fallen he would not have taken his sister to the airport.
Had his sister not argued on his behalf he would have walked back into the Vietnam and could have been killed.
Had his sister not died he would have stayed in Little Rock.
He went through at nightmare.
I need to help people.
I’m feeling better now.
Buying Coach shoes for under $40 dollars and eating a good lunch always helps get the mind straight.
I’m feeling better about me.
I know what I have to do. Getting up to do it is the difficult part.
Tomorrow I have off with hair appointment in the morning and then a thing for the school paper.
All together I should be done with everything by 4pm which gives me time to go home and get changed for quick elliptical, then Zumba, then weights.
And I can follow my good sleep up with a saturday morning Zumba and Bodyflow.
I’ve got this.
Even at my lowest weight I’ve never been happy. My lowest weight was still overweight. I’ve never been a normal size. Ever since I was 4 years old I’ve been chunky. Then worse, then maintained. Then worse and worse.
It is impossible for me.
I’m unable to even imagine a me slim.
There’s only ever been fat Cara.
Cara the whale.
Only ever been funny Cara because she has to play off all the jokes.
I want to feel motivated but I can’t.
The most weight I ever lost was 15 pounds.
I’ll try again. Sure. Get something done then bounce back.
It’s not even real to me.
Chalk Board theme
